BIG YOGA as told by Leria Felix

I recently joined the YMCA because although I have been working out for a while, I have never been a member of a gym, ever. I also wanted to do some different types of classes to shift me from my comfort zone. Let me also add, that although I have been working out for a while, I am still not physically fit. I am a big girl. Plus-sized. Large. Chubby. BBW. Solid. Thick. Overweight. Curvy. Plump. Fat. Voluptuous.  Keep this in mind as you read. (Note: I am not offended or trying to offend anyone with my use of the terms above. I earned my body by lack of discipline and love of cake and now am working to repair the damage that I have done.) 
Tuesday was my first day participating at the gym. I’ve always wanted to try yoga and since this location offers a class, I took it.  Of course, as I’m new to the gym and to yoga as well, my nerves were already tingling in the high 60%. Add to it that I am the biggest person in the class, my nerves shot up to 98.6355% tingly. Nonetheless, I continued my journey to getting out of my comfort zone. During the class, 169 billion thoughts rolled through my head. Here is 10 that I could quickly share with you. 

1.  Being the new, fat, black girl to a yoga class with mostly skinny and/or fit white people can cause some anxiety. (This comment is not to be perceived as derogatory or racial at all. I was the largest in body weight in the class and there were men and women there. There was another black woman, but her skin tone was lighter. The teacher, as well, was black, but looked to be mixed raced. My point is that I stood out…)  
2. I didn’t know the terminology. (This is nerve racking as well. Having to look up to see each new movement was taxing to my trying to find my rhythm. I did do as the instructor suggested and placed my mat in the back of the class so that I can look around. This helped as I wasn’t not disruptive and didn’t stick out so much as a novice.) 
3. I couldn’t do a lot of the poses because of my body size. (My thighs are large, and my stomach is big. They got in the way of some of the poses. Yes, there are modifications for some of the poses, but for most of them, there aren’t. Well, maybe there are but I don’t know them. This also messed with me trying to find the rhythm of the class.) 
4. I CAN’T BREATHE! (I couldn’t breathe during some of the poses. At the beginning of the class, the instructor had us practice breathing in a calm, composed manner, in and out through our noses. Then she told us that she wanted us to continue using that same pace of breathing during the class. IMPOSSIBLE! Well, it was impossible for me. My stomach and chest compressed my lungs and I had trouble breathing during the class. There were times I was huffing and breathing quickly out of my mouth. Maybe this is normal for everyone, but I could tell that I was out of breath versus everyone else.) 
5. I was sweating a lot. (Perspiration was condensed on my body. I wasn’t dripping with sweat, but I was sweating. Noticeably. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was a bit distracting. I wasn’t expecting to work up a sweat during yoga. All the pics and video that I’ve seen, the people are smiling softly and at peace. I felt like the big bad wolf, huffing and puffing and blowing mats around.) 
6. Yoga is hard. (Yoga may not be hard to you, but to me, my first time, as a plus sized girl, it was hard. Not impossible but challenging.) 
7. You need a strong core, flexibility and muscle stability. (I had surgery last year and the procedure required them to cut into my stomach muscles. My core has been very weak since then and I need to rebuild. As for muscle stability, I realized that I have lost my balance and most of my flexibility. Add to all this the weight of my body, and you have a challenge. The instructor informed me that the more I practice the better I become and that the class will help me build my core and muscle stability. So, yay yoga!) 
8. There needs to be a fat girl yoga class somewhere. (It would mean that the classes are modified for larger women (and men). Our bodies don’t and won’t always bend like that of a skinny or fit person. Modifications are necessary and would be a part of the class from the start. There probably is one somewhere. I’ll do some research.) 
9. I had to pass gas so bad! (I actually didn’t but there were a few times it almost happened and I was terrified that it would be loud, embarrassing and stinky. This also messed with me finding the rhythm, my rhythm. So much of the time, I was busy trying to “hold it in.” I told myself “Don’t be new, black, fat and passing gas in this here yoga class. Don’t be uncouth.” This also contributed to my nerves during the class. I was already standing out, I didn’t want to stand out in that way as well.) 
10. Is yoga sacrilegious? (This popped into my head during the class more than once. I heard somewhere that yoga poses were forms of worship to other gods. I took the class to incorporate a different method of exercise into my routine. I plan on adding spin and kick boxing, etc. to my routine. What I will say about this is that GOD knows that I wasn’t worshiping anyone but HIM. My heart was pure when I entered the class. Yet, the question bounced around a bit. I haven’t researched it yet, but I will.) 

 
Overall, I enjoyed the class. The music was soothing. The instructor was kind and helpful. I could can feel the stretch in my body. It was challenging and nerve racking, and I stood out, but I will definitely do it again. For me, the long-term benefits of class will outweigh the nervous and embarrassment factors. As the instructor said, the more I do it, the better I will be. I am looking forward to bettering my balance, flexibility and muscle stability. I also look forward to breaking the image in my head of what a yoga class looks like. I will continue to tell myself that this fat, black girl belongs there. Yoga is a form of exercise. Exercise is for everyone. So I will continue to go back. Join me sometime, we can stand out together.